[Short-Fic] Sheer Ignorance (Sheer Series 3/4)

[kryss-delrhei.livejournal.com]

Title: Sheer Ignorance (Part 3 of the "Sheer Series")
Author: kryss_delrhei
Fandom: Final Fantasy X
Type: Video Game
Characters/Pairing: Seymour Guado/Tidus, Yuna, Wakka, Rikku, Auron, Lulu, Kimahri
Word Count: 2,947
Genre: General, Hurt/Comfort
Rating: PG-13
Warning: None
Summary: The end of his abuse and betrayal. The beginning of a realization.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X nor the characters, just borrowing them from Square-Enix for a little while.
Author's Note: This is a repost of what was taken down by myself during May 2012, after I wanted to comb through my work and correct or revise. I ended up taking everything down from FanFiction, this being one of my poor victims.

Veiw Also On: Fanfiction.net | AO3

"Sheer Series"
Sheer Madness | Sheer Insanity | Sheer Ignorance | Sheer Exhaustion

--

PART ONE

Each step is hard.

Each step hurts more than the last.

Each path is wrong.

Each choice is harsh.

I was left thinking, 'What am I? Was it all necessary? Did we really have to?' And every time I ask myself, I'm left blank… I have no answer to the ones that I keep to myself, nor the ones whispered quietly in my direction. Rikku thinks that I don't notice when she starts talking to Lulu about me.

My hands were trembling, so I crossed my arms behind my head as we walk, though my steps are slow and I was lagging behind the others. I just don't have the energy anymore. I feel distance from the world, more so than I have been normally. I was just not sure what to think… or what to do anymore.

Continue the pilgrimage… as a guardian…

Of course that was Auron's answer to everything.

I guess I can't knock the guy. Spira isn't really a place I understand all that much. He must have felt like that way when he came to my Zanarkand. Hmph.

Silly thoughts…

But… I'm still her guardian… and the pilgrimage has continued… like it should… I suppose…

Mount Gagazet is a cold place and we've stopped to allow Yuna to pray to the makeshift gravestones along the mount path. There's been three so far. The path is narrow and steep, the blizzard having died down to only fluttering snowflakes. Though its been days since we escaped from Bevelle, my heart still aches, chilly and cold… like him…

The snow reminds me of him… strangely. Each flake that touches my skin, I'm reminded of the ghost of his touch. It's enough to make me shiver while my body starts to twinge in remembrance. It knows when I think of him and it's strange how my body starts to act accordingly as if he was here with me.

Touching me… Hurting me…

"Hey, you a'right little man?" Wakka walked toward me as I caught up to the group. Apparently, Yuna had stopped to pray again. I looked up at the redhead, seeing his forced smile, his forced friendliness.

It kinda reminded me of when he'd found out Rikku was an Al Bhed. He'd looked down at her for a while, suspicious of her for no reason. Even after having been with him since the beginning, he was staring at me with doubt… Did he think I was on the Maester's side now?

Great… I was right in assuming that all of them knew. They'd probably all known since Seymour first laid his eyes on me. I couldn't help it, a sigh of disheartenment left my lips as I walked past Wakka. I just couldn't deal with this anymore. The faces of my friends…

It hurt… cause every time I looked at them, I was reminded of him… Strange how that works out, isn't it? I guess it's cause for countless weeks, we've been fighting him. Or maybe it's cause I've been plagued by him the entire time?

I can't even close my eyes without remembering something from that night in Bevelle.

It was enough to bring me to my knees sometimes… if I allowed it.

"I'm fine." I mumbled, closing my eyes as I sighed.

I was always the group chatterbox. Making sure that the smiling continued. But in the last few days… I just haven't been me… was it cause of what we did in Macalania that we repeated in Bevelle? Everything was just so screwed up.

As I walked past Auron, I could feel him staring at me. Out of everyone here, it was him that upset me the most to turn my back on. Auron hadn't said more than a few words to me since our conversation in the cell, but of course Auron was more business than leisure. On top of that, he was the only one who hadn't pushed the whole "Guado Maester issue" with me since Guadosalam.

I guess I felt somewhat of a little gratitude toward him for that.

"We'll be reaching the summit soon." He mumbled, seemingly toward me.

All I could do was nod my head.

--

PART TWO

The snow was falling more heavily as Auron grabbed Yuna's elbow to steady her from falling into a thick pile of snow drift. I watched in an almost detached way as Auron passed her to Lulu to keep her from tripping and getting buried under all the snow we were having to trudge through. I crossed my arms and tucked my hands against my icy clothes to keep them from getting even more wind torn.

Auron had taken lead of the group, my usual spot, though I hadn't been in the front of everyone in days. I couldn't. I just couldn't lead them with their eyes watching me. Accusing me.

Maybe it was the shame I felt for allowing myself to become some Maester's puppet dancing on strings for his amusement. The shame that I had been the cause of most of the troubles we'd endured because some sadistic bastard had wanted to play horrible, delicious, painful games with me that left me aching and broken. The deep sorrow that ate at my soul surfaced and all I could think about was the loss of something that I shouldn't have felt that I had lost.

Spira would be better now that we'd finally destroyed him.

And once we reached Zanarkand and Yuna completed her pilgrimage then Spira would rejoice instead of excommunicate her.

"We'll have to go through here."

I vaguely heard Auron say as he climbed up on a boulder that was half blocking the entrance to a small cave flushed against the mountain side. I squinted past the snow flurries that had landed on my lashes as I pulled up the rear of the group.

Standing by, while Wakka hefted Lulu up the boulder, the wind whipped around me. I trembled not sure if it was from the brokenness I felt or the coldness that almost burned my skin.

An icy heat that made me ache.

Auron was gazing at me as I drifted back from my thoughts. I knew he was watching me with such scrutiny even though his shades blocked his heavy brown stare from being seen. He hadn't sad much of anything to me since that night in Bevelle.

The night I showed so much weakness in front of him that I knew that I could never redeem myself. Though the rest was bound to have figured everything out by now, I knew Auron, without a doubt, had been the first to see what a pathetic human I'd become.

"You need help up?" His tone was even, not betraying what I believed he really felt toward me.

Disgust.

Anger.

What a vile creature I'd stooped myself to becoming.

I shook my head, trying to dispel the depressing thoughts as they bubbled over and leaked out. My sanity was wearing thin and that damned Guado was gone already! I reached up and climbed up the boulder, Auron grabbing my shoulder as I slipped the last bit up, my fingers so cold I'd lost my grip.

He patted me on the shoulder with what was suppose to be a reassuring gesture that I didn't take as so reassuring. He probably thinks I'm filthy. I gritted my teeth and forced those thoughts away. I needed to be stronger. I needed to get over this feeling of violation and sickening emptiness.

"T-thanks…" I mumbled under my breath as the wind stole the air from my lungs, it hit us so hard that I shuddered all over with such coldness.

Auron grabbed me by the arm and roughly, like he always did, and dragged me further into the cave. It was dim lighting in the cave, the opening just a few yards ahead of us.

"The entrance to the summit is on the other side," I could hear Auron informing us, though I was distracted by the way swirling emerald eyes casted uneasy glances my way.

Rikku chewed on her lip in a childish fashion as Auron lead us toward the cave opening. She'd slowed her pace so that she was only an arms length away from me. "You know I still haven't thought of anything…" She mumbled as she tilted her head back, eyes focusing on the cave ceiling.

I could hear the worry in her voice, even if she tried to keep it hidden. I nodded solemnly as I recalled that she was talking about the ideas we'd tried to come up with before we reached Zanarkand.

Ideas that meant saving Yuna's life.

Her humanity.

"I know," the words were empty, shallow, just like what I'd become. I had no strength to even care and I hoped Rikku wouldn't hate me anymore than she probably already did for the Seymour Guado fiasco that had been following us since Luca. "We'll think of something…" I offered quietly, though not sure if there was anything any of us could do short of stopping the pilgrimage.

The group had gotten away from us, a far distance ahead and was already making their way out of the small cave. I tried to shove the strange thoughts of Seymour out of my head, my body trembling from both disgusted longing and the temperature that had started to fall even quicker the higher we got to the summit.

It seemed since I'd encountered the Maester of Yevon, I'd been nothing but cold. From his icy touch to his frosty demur. The only warmth I'd gained was the raging heat that nestled in the core of my stomach when the chilling touch of the Maester's hands had seemed to erect in me at the mere presence of him.

Utter despair raked through me as I realized it was done with, the Maester who pulled my strings wouldn't be…

My string of thoughts cut off as Rikku hissed in a breath.

We'd exited the cave and had been trudging back through the shin deep virgin snow, the snow flurries and harsh wind whipping against us as we lost sight of the others ahead of us. I realized then as I came back down to crashing reality at what Rikku's pale, sweet face streaked with rage meant.

He was starring me down with that nasty, delicious, sinister glare that had his luminous irises twinkled with a sick glee.

If there had been any color left in my face, it was sure to have receded.

My body numb, I took a step forward, my whole body shaking with emotions that I couldn't understand or even comprehend at the moment.

"Ah, the son of Jecht," his voice held an almost sing song hint to it, so unlike his usual demur of his icy stoic mask he wore when around others. I wondered if only I was the only one he'd let it drop down for as images of what we'd done over the last few weeks rushed back to the forefront of my brain.

Then I was frozen still.

Son of Jecht?

How did he even know about my father?

I narrowed my gaze at him and the Maester seemed to snort in absolute enjoyment.

"Rikku, run ahead and tell Auron!" I growled out, not taking my eyes off of Seymour, who grinned even larger, his lips pulled back up, showing off his white teeth. His irises betraying that he'd started to become twisted, more evil, if possible.

"So pathetic," Seymour laughed.

Rikku was panting, trembling with fear as she shook her head at me, her breaths coming out as puffs of white, "You are NOT fighting him alone!"

"JUST GO!" I raged, unsure of my anger, though I couldn't break eye contact with Seymour, who I could tell was laughing.

Rikku whimpered and rushed off as best as she could in the shin deep snow, calling out for the others, "AURON!"

I was left with the sinister man not but twenty feet ahead of me.

This wasn't the man who'd initiated the games between the two of us. This wasn't the man that had made me feel so wanting of that icy heat that he touched me with. This was no longer my Maester who tugged on my strings.

No, this was a crazed Guado.

And it made me furious!

Seymour started laughing more, a disturbing act, his voice almost shrill, irises full of a strange, eerie light. He raised his hand, his long arm outstretched, a long, sharp nail pointed at me in an accusing way.

I felt what was left of the heat in my body flee, all movement leave me, as I stared dumbly, almost broken as Seymour cackled at me.

I had no clue what I should do.

"Now is your time to die," Seymour licked his lips, and he seemed almost in ecstasy as he verbally signed my death warrant, "Prepare yourself, son of Jecht."

--

PART THREE

It was nothing, but a strange feeling of regret that surfaced as I raised my longsword, intent in my skills to kill this monster before me. This beast was nothing of what I'd seen in the last months, I wasn't even sure if there was even a shred of humanity left within him.

Seymour cackled at a funny thought he must have had and I vaguely wondered if it included me dismembered and bloody. I swallowed past the sudden lump of fear that had risen to clog my throat as my body began to tremble. We stared at each other for several moments, and again I was unsure of when it had come to this point in time.

I was not waiting for the others.

I could not wait.

Not with this ache of anger and betrayal that sliced and danced in the pit of my stomach, for unknown reasons that I couldn't pin down with a single thought. I gritted my teeth and launched off the balls of my feet, racing with my sword at the ready across the snow covered ground.

I needed to end this, whatever it was between us that had seemed to form and twist before my eyes. When had I ever thought it had been more? Or when had I even gotten in my head that it had ever developed further than me being a puppet?

Seymour dodged as I swung, "Pathetic!"

He laughed, twisting his wrist as a spell of ice formed above him, "Blizzaga!" he screeched, the mountain seemingly coming alive at the sound of his voice.

The roar of the ice as it formed almost deafened me, wind whipping around me, just as the shard spikes slammed into my chest, knocking me off my feet and into the cliff facing behind me. My whole body sagged, blood starting to seep from the wounds that had been inflicted.

I did not scream out in pain.

I did not have the energy to.

Why did I have this deep sadness that just kept me from focusing. The magical shards melted and I fell to my knees as Seymour glided across the snow toward me.

How many times had I been like this in front of him? On my knees?

Begging…

Pleading…

"Magnificent!" he praised, for what I was still unsure.

I gazed up, only to be caught awestruck by his crazed appearance. Seymour's pupils were dilated, the strange cerulean irises hardly seen. I wouldn't have been able to move even if I had the chance. His clawed hand reached out and quickly grabbed my throat, hauling me up from the ground, my feet dangling below me.

This was it. This is were he would finally kill me.

"You served well for entertainment, Son of Jecht," Seymour laughed, the maniacal tone filling his voice.

I released a haggard breath, choking as he squeezed, my hands clawing at his wrist that he held me and my whole weight so effortlessly. He was dead, but he seemed so…

"SEYMOUR!"

His attention taken from me as the others all stumbled into the area, the snow having slowed them at some point.

"DROP HIM!" Auron growled out, slipping into his warrior's stance as he unsheathed his large blade.

Seymour only laughed, "Do you think you will live this time?"

My body crumpled under me as his tight grip loosened and released me, his eyes wild with an alien excitement, "He will bring me to Sin! Jecht will come for his soul and we will spiral out of this existence!" Seymour raised his arms up, oblivious to my gagging on the chilly air, "Don't you see?! He will lead me to the center of power! TO DESTRUCTION ALL MIGHTY!"

I tremble at his feet, staring at him as he delivers his crazed speech, feeling the knots in my stomach tighten unbearably, and all I can find myself screaming in this dizzy situation, a midst this building chaos, is "SEND HIM YUNA!"

My words are broken and shaky, just as my legs as I stand, my hand reaching out and gripping the handle of my longsword. I steady my stance as Seymour turns and faces me, his maniacal grin disappearing as his alien body transforms. He is no longer the Maester that first stole me into his chambers in Guadosalam, nor is he the man that my body reacted so sinfully to.

Now he is a monster.

Now he must be exterminated.

For good.

The third time around, this battle isn't as hard as the others, for now his true colors are splashed across this empty canvas I once had called my heart. Seymour will die once and for all at these hands. I will see to it.

Originally Posted to: FanFiction.net : Part One - July 7, 2010 ; Part Two - December 13, 2011 ; Part Three - February 29, 2012.